You’re here because advice for job seekers on the web is a clusterfuck of lackluster information at best and downright stupid at worst. Writing a resume, writing a cover letter, answering interview questions, answering salary questions, designing your job hunt, and getting organized in your business life are monumental tasks these days.
How do you deal with a bad boss? How do you deal with jerkface co-workers? Interview like a rockstar? Job hunt like you’re Dog the Bounty Hunter? Don’t worry – I’m here to help. I’ve written Psychotic Resumes – the blog and the book – because people like you and I have a hard time breaking through the corporate walls and landing our dream jobs. It’s high time we stop flipping burgers and get back to doing meaningful work. The advice in my books is tried and true, field-tested and grandmother approved (yes, even the parts where I swear).
Snag it now from Amazon.com or read more below on what the book covers:
Next to meeting your significant other’s highly judgmental twin sisters, there’s no bigger ego bruiser than an extended job hunt. With many job hunts lasting nearly a year, that’s a lot of pummeling that you’ll be taking.
There’s no reason to be down on yourself when your job hunt takes a while; nobody starts out good at getting a fucking job.
With that being said, it’s also important to remember – anything that takes longer than your attention span to pan out requires vigilance to make sure you’re not becoming complacent in your situation. It sounds silly, but there’s this thing called confirmation bias; it’s a logical fallacy where you look for facts and situations that support the beliefs you already have.
Not only does it explain why douchebags tend to hang out in groups, it also explains why people like you and me get run over by trains of thought like, “I must not deserve to have a job because I can’t find one.” Break free of the mental trap by focusing on what’s important: getting your next application in, doing it well, and landing the interview. You don’t have to land every job. You just have to land one that you’ll like.
Writing a proper resume is a skill that everybody should learn; kind of like riding a bike, learning to drive and reading the Kama Sutra. It’s just that important.
More than just determining whether or not you’ll get an interview, a resume can pave your path throughout your career; a shoddy, unfocused resume, and you’ll be facing a shoddy, unfocused career.
With the majority of the Fortune 1000 companies utilizing resume screening software – and 80% of resumes screened for keywords alone as a rejection mechanism, it’s entirely likely that your resume will never grace human eyes. If it ever does, your resume has to impress. Provided you beat the keyword screening, if you’ve said “Computer Programmer” 162 times across two sentences, you’re not likely to get the job.
HR Managers are not the enemy (ok, well, maybe the lazy, mean ones are); the majority of them are hard-working, overwhelmed, and asked to take an impossibly wide target market and skim it down to 3-5 candidates. Inefficiency in targeting aside, if you want an 8-5 job, you just have to play the game; Psychotic Resumes will just give you the Strategy Guide.
Writing Cover Letters
If you’ve ever used an online dating site, you’ve had to write a cover letter.
As I mentioned in the resume section, while HR Managers aren’t your enemy (except for the lazy mean ones) – only about 10% of cover letters are ever read. Before you judge too harshly, this is akin to window shopping on eHarmony. Less, uh, desirable-looking mates tend to get passed up for the raging hotties further down the page. You only read the profiles of the people who get your palms sweaty at first glance.
Having the right combination of a brilliant resume, a sleek cover letter, and kick-ass recommendations turns you from a jackass who writes “I Fuck on the First Date” on your eHarmony Profile into an Abercrombie and Fitch model who saves puppies on the weekend and quotes Shakespeare in Latin. In other words, you’ll have your pick of potential suiters.
Improving your Interview skills converts you from a toothless hillbilly at a cocktail party into the Dos Equis Most Interesting Man in the World at a sorority formal (only, you know, 30 years younger and ripped like Ryan Reynolds).
When you can show up and impress on that level – with your attire, your presence, your answers to their questions, and your ready-to-kick-ass-take-no-prisoners mentality, you’ll go home with exactly what you want.
Interviewing well takes a lot of focused practice and a fair amount of confidence, but if you want to have any hope of succeeding at your career aspirations – it’s an absolute necessity.
TPS reports. People stealing your lunch from the break room fridge. Useless coworkers who take credit for your every victory.
Business life is filled with jerks, doofuses, divas, and idiots. It’s time to hold ourselves and each other accountable to a higher standard. Business life doesn’t have to be complicated, difficult, or drama-filled. At its best, it can be filled with life-enriching opportunities; at its worst, it can make you want to base-jump off the 100th floor without a parachute.
Before you do, check to see if you can turn the tides on your frustration to your own advantage.
Psychotic Resumes is here to help you build a kick-ass resume and cover letter, ramp up your job search, and ace your job interviews.